the national
in their song “i need my girl”
rattled me so deeply tonight
I’m under the gun again
I know I was the 45 percenter then
I know I was a lot of things
But I am good, I am grounded
Davy says that I look taller
I can’t get my head around it
I keep feeling smaller and smaller
I need my girl
I need my girl
i cry sang this because everything has been so hard and consenting to intense emotional
experience is liberating
grounding has been this touchstone of all my work recently
and i needed it
my resilience is legendary – but i am not a balloon always
sometimes the ground is a comforting place l can inhabit – if not as a resident then at least as a loved guest
my somatic work (gentle yoga and self portraits with intuitive movements) aided in standing in a hot crowded plaza dancing
(despite my worry of neuro divergent overwhelm leading to a BAD time)
i am meredith and i’m not here to be seen- i’m here to feel the vibrations of a field full of sweaty people singing their hearts out to something that brings them the kinds of feelings i feel
pre national impressions
now it is time for my hopes to either be shattered or have a transformative ritual weaving ♑️ and ♊️
until i was ready to engage with the stage the headphones stayed on
then the national gave us a fucking amazing show
a gift
i cannot express how precious this experience was and is
it felt all mine no performance in my heart
the band is tight and hearing them make small mistakes but glide through them to the extent that it’s not a mistake anymore is glorious
i love a band that has longevity so they have built trust to fuck it up a bit and always come back to the pocket
my sound cancelling headphones went back on when they had left it all said on the stage
until i serendipitously/coincidentally/extraordinarily and yet so normally got to see two humans who have so much capacity for love
my comrades- i will call them an asshole as we put our backs against the wall
they knew i was near / harmony? attunememt? / who cares it was just such a special thing
i get to see so many special things because anxiety is a feedback loop
and i love to play with sound
my creative surge makes
people
worried
…. if they asked i’d tell them i’m having a moment with healing that mimics insanity for some
in so far as anyone is ok, i am ok
when i was in the crowd without headphones and ambient chatter was around i turned my awareness to how i was holding my body
where was the earth?
i placed one hand on my heart and one on my belly during this song
and now it is 24hrs later and the glow remains
MERE death 