impressions of euphoric concert in the days following my complete fed up abandoning of masks

the national

in their song “i need my girl”

rattled me so deeply tonight

I’m under the gun again

I know I was the 45 percenter then

I know I was a lot of things

But I am good, I am grounded

Davy says that I look taller

I can’t get my head around it

I keep feeling smaller and smaller

I need my girl

I need my girl

i cry sang this because everything has been so hard and consenting to intense emotional
experience is liberating

grounding has been this touchstone of all my work recently

and i needed it

my resilience is legendary – but i am not a balloon always

sometimes the ground is a comforting place l can inhabit – if not as a resident then at least as a loved guest

my somatic work (gentle yoga and self portraits with intuitive movements) aided in standing in a hot crowded plaza dancing

(despite my worry of neuro divergent overwhelm leading to a BAD time)

i am meredith and i’m not here to be seen- i’m here to feel the vibrations of a field full of sweaty people singing their hearts out to something that brings them the kinds of feelings i feel

pre national impressions

it isn’t a sickness to feel alone in a crowded room BILL

now it is time for my hopes to either be shattered or have a transformative ritual weaving ♑️ and ♊️

until i was ready to engage with the stage the headphones stayed on

then the national gave us a fucking amazing show

a gift

i cannot express how precious this experience was and is

it felt all mine no performance in my heart

the band is tight and hearing them make small mistakes but glide through them to the extent that it’s not a mistake anymore is glorious

i love a band that has longevity so they have built trust to fuck it up a bit and always come back to the pocket

my sound cancelling headphones went back on when they had left it all said on the stage

until i serendipitously/coincidentally/extraordinarily and yet so normally got to see two humans who have so much capacity for love

my comrades- i will call them an asshole as we put our backs against the wall

they knew i was near / harmony? attunememt? / who cares it was just such a special thing

i get to see so many special things because anxiety is a feedback loop

and i love to play with sound

my creative surge makes



…. if they asked i’d tell them i’m having a moment with healing that mimics insanity for some

in so far as anyone is ok, i am ok

when i was in the crowd without headphones and ambient chatter was around i turned my awareness to how i was holding my body

where was the earth?

i placed one hand on my heart and one on my belly during this song

matt beringers’ voice does it for me- what ever it is, his whole vibe does it

and now it is 24hrs later and the glow remains

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